Stupid questions with smart answers

BOY : May I hold your hand? 

GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy. 

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me! 

BOY: You love me... 

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? 

BOY: Sure, what's your phone number?? 

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest. 

BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple 

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever. 

BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?? 

BOY: I love you and I could die for you! 

GIRL: How soon?? 

BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there?? 

SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?? 

TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. 

MAN: You remind me of the sea. 

WOMAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? 

MAN: NO, because you make me sick. 

WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. 

HUSBAND: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. 

MARY: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter? 

PETER: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly. 

GIRLFRIEND: '...And are you sure you love me and no one else?' 

BOYFRIEND: 'Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday'.  

TEACHER: 'Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?' 

PUPIL: 'The moon'. 

TEACHER: 'Why?' 

PUPIL : 'The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it'.   

TEACHER: 'What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?' 

PUPIL: 'A teacher'.  

WAITER: 'Would you like your coffee black?' 

CUSTOMER: 'What other colors do you have?'  

TEACHER : 'Sam, you talk a lot !' 

SAM : 'It's a family tradition'. 

TEACHER : 'What do you mean?' 

SAM : 'Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher'. 

TEACHER : 'What about your mother?' 

SAM : 'She's a woman'.  

TOM : 'How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?' 

DAVID: 'You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated'.  

TEACHER : 'Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?' 

STUDENT : 'Brotherly love'.  

TEACHER : 'Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?' 

SAM : 'No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook'.  

PATIENT : 'What are the chances of my recovering doctor?' 

DOCTOr : 'One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died'.  

TEACHER : ' Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?' 

ONE STUDENT : 'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.'