Dec 17, 2012

Tooth fairy

Dear _________________,

Thank you for leaving [   ] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

(  ) the tooth could not be found

(  ) it was not a human tooth

(  ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

(  ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor

(  ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

(  ) the tooth did not originally belong to you

(  ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails

(  ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action

(  ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy

(  ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received

(  ) the tooth is still in your mouth

(  ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit

(  ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit

(  ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing

(  ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
[  ] string

[  ] pliers

[  ] gunpowder

[  ] hammer marks

[  ] chisel

[  ] part of skull attached to tooth

[  ] no dental care
(  ) other reason

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.


The Tooth Fairy

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