Cat translation

Miaow
Feed me.

Meeow
Pet me.

Mrooww
I love you.

Miioo-oo-oo
I am in love and must meet my betrothed outside beneath the hedge. Don't wait up.

Mrow
I feel like making noise.

Rrrow-mawww
Please, the time has come to tidy the litter box

Rrrow-miawww
I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical.

Miaowmiaow
Play with me

Miaowmioaw
Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room?

Mioawmioaw
Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture

Raowwwww
I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy.
Mrowwwww
I am now recalling, with sorrow, that some of my private parts did not return with me from that visit to the vet.

Roww-maww-roww
I am so glad to see that you have returned home with both arms full of groceries. I will now rub myself against your legs and attempt to trip you as you walk towards the kitchen.

Gakk-ak-ak
My digestive passages seem to have formed a hairball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting.

Mow
Snuggling is a good idea.

Moww
Shedding is pretty good too

Mowww!
I was enjoying snuggling and shedding in the warm clean laundry until you removed me so unkindly.

Miaow! Miaow!
I have discovered that, although one may be able to wedge his body through the gap behind the stove and into that little drawer filled with pots and pans, the reverse path is slightly more difficult to navigate.

Mraakk!
Oh, small bird! Please come over here.

SsssRoww!
I believe that I have found a woodchuck or similar animal.

Mmmrowmmm
It is certain that the best tasting fish is one you have caught yourself.

Mmmmmmm
If I sit in the sunshine for another hour or so, I think I shall be satisfied.

Mreoaw
Please ask room service to send up another can of tuna fish.

Mreeeow
Do you serve catnip with that?

Mroow
I have forced my body into a tiny space in order to look cute. How am I doing?

Miaooww! Mriaow!
Since you are using the can opener, I am certain that you understand the value of a well-fed and pampered cat. Please continue.

Where is my goat?

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."

Safe to swim here?

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

Question and answer animal jokes

 Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

Pessimist and a dog

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Bird dog

Have you heard about two Swedish pals who claimed they were hunters? Once they decided to go to Norway and buy a bird dog. When they found the shop, they decide to test the dog. They did and the result was disastrous. They felt their journey to Norway was in vain.

One friend: “This is deceit. We might as well return the animal. Let us drop this idea of buying a bird dog.”

Second friend: “Yeah pal, you are right. We will make one more attempt and throw the dog in air one last time. If he doesn’t fly this time too, we will leave him alone and return.”