English teacher

A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he’s got a big smile on his face. She asks, “You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?”

“Yes mum – I had sex with my English teacher!” he replied.

The mother is stunned. “Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!”

The dad comes home and hears the news; he’s as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, “I hear you had sex with your English teacher.”

“That’s right, Dad.”

“Well, you became a man today – this is a cause for celebration. Let’s get fish and chips, then I’ll buy you that bike you’ve been asking for.”

“Mint! – but I can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me.”

How to identify students when the professor walks into the class and says good morning.

* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.