The ways to grade the final exams

Dept of Psychology:

Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.


Dept of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.

Dept of Philosophy:
What is a grade?

Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A.

You might be an E.R. Doctor if

You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...

* your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
* discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
* you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
* you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
* you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
* you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
* you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
* you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
* you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
* you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
* your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"

Mother-in-law's dentures

Reena, who hailed from a small town in Punjab, moved to New Delhi to live with her daughter and son-in-law. Since she was not keeping well lately, her daughter suggested she move into their home in the city. She brought along most of her treasured possessions which included a small box with five broken teeth from her dentures.

Once settled in the new environment, she asked her son-in-law, Dev where she could get her dentures mended.

Dev offered, "Give them to me and I'll take them to a dentist."

Reena gave her little box containing the teeth to Dev who took them to a dental lab.

He asked the technician how long it would take to mend the dentures, to which the technician replied, "About an hour."

Dev tells him, "I'll do some shopping and collect the dentures on my way back."

When Dev returns to the lab, the technician hands him a plastic bag and his mother-in-law's little box. He says, "I'm sorry I could only fit five of the teeth to the denture."

"Oh!" exclaims Dev,"and what happened to the sixth one?"

"It's here in the box," answers the technician, showing it to Dev. "Fitting the teeth is easy but it's impossible to fit this peanut."

Efficiency consultant

An efficiency consultant submitted his report of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony No. 8 in B minor:

# All 12 violins played the same notes. This is unnecessary duplication. Their number should be reduced.

# For a considerable period of time, above players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and their work spread evenly among other staff.

# No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that was already handled by the strings. If such redundancies were eliminated, the concert could be cut 20 minutes.

# The symphony has two movements. Mr. Schubert should have been able to achieve his musical goals in one.

Conclusion: If Mr. Schubert had paid attention to these matters, he would have had time to finish the symphony.

Calm and confident

Sunny and Logan were shipwrecked on a remote island. After 2 days, Sunny realized there's no way out of the island and began sobbing. He cried, "There's no food or water here. We are going to die!"

Logan, who was resting against a palm tree, seemed to be calm and composed. Seeing Logan so relaxed, Sunny yelled at him. "Don't you understand? We are going to die!!"

Logan replied, "You don't understand, I make $250,000 a week."

Sunny stared at him in disbelief and asked, "How does it matter?? We're on this god-forsaken island with no food and no water! We're so going to die!!!"

Logan said, "You're not getting it. I earn $250,000 a week and I give 20% to charity. My pastor will find me!"