confucius says

• America good place to put Chinese restaurant
  
• Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
  
• Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
  
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
  
• Man who is jacking off into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.|
  
• Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
  
• Man who go to bed with a problem in hand wakes up in the morning with a solution in hand
  
• He who refuses to listen is lying.
  
• He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
  
• He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
  
• He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.
  
• Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
  
• Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
• Man who have woman on ground have piece on earth.
• Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup.
• Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger.
• Man born in backseat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard.
• It take square ass to shit a brick.
• Rape is impossible. Lady run much faster with dress up than man with pants down!
• He who sniffs Coke, drowns.
• Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
• Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement!
• To make egg roll, push it.
• Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy...
• He who fart in church sit in own pew.
• He who fucks dynamite gets big bang out of it.
• She who rides bike peddles ass all over town.
• He who lose key to girlfriends apartment get no new key.
• Man who pick nose - head cave in.
• Fly which rests on toilet seat gets pissed off.
• Man who eats photograph of his sire is soon spitting image of his father.
• Woman who put chicken and peas in soup, very unhygienic.
• Man who sink into woman's arms will soon find arms in woman's sink.
• Man who piss into strong wind gets wet.
• Bread that is cast upon water gets soggy and sinks.
• Hamsters which crawl into the wrong orifice get shit-faced.
• Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
• Boy and girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent.
• Never trust men with short legs, brains too near the bottom.
• All men eat, but Fu Manchu.
• Secretary not part of furniture until screwed on desk.
• Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker...
• Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
• Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.
• He who let woman on top is fucking up.
• People who make Confucius joke speak bad English.
• Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat-house.
• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky.